Really missing PJ today. I woke up this morning, as I do every morning, with overwhelming sadness. I'm trying to do things that will improve my mood and increase my coping skills but the fact is, I'm still sad and I don't think this pain will ever really go away. Today I would have been 14 weeks pregnant.
My family and close friends have offered to help me in planning a memorial for PJ. It will be held in September, around the time she would have been born (she was due 9/22/10). We will plant a tree in her honor. I'm looking for some kind of garden stone or something to place near the tree. Since I don't own a home I'll be planting the tree at my Mom's house.
My sadness makes me so unmotivated. I have a lot of things to get done today but I don't quite feel like doing any of them. (sigh) I really hate that things turned out this way. Everything feels ruined.
I told my mom yesterday that I really have been questioning my faith. I feel like I don't know anymore whether or not God exists. I have a friend who told me about this couple she knows. This couple had a 1 year old daughter. Yesterday morning they woke up to find that she'd died in her sleep. Where is God?
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I truly understand the lack of motivation due to depression and I know how hard it is to keep faith. Just know I'm following your journey and sending you strength and love.
ReplyDeleteThank you Rachel. It really does help to know that I'm not on this journey alone. xoxo
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