Last night, I settled in with a book that had been recommended by my grief counselor. The name of it is "Why Bad Things Happen to Good People", written by Rabbi Harold S. Kushner. I couldn't put it down. Literally, I stayed up until 3:30am reading it cover to cover in one sitting. No, I'm not Jewish but welcomed answers to my questions from any theologian. This book detailed every question I've ever had about why bad things happen and why God lets them happen and why he doesn't intervene and why there is so much injustice and suffering in the world. The answer, while I don't want to give anything away, is found in the simple question: are we certain that God is all powerful? Think about it, if you take that out of the equation you can no longer place blame on God for something he didn't fix or stop... he couldn't. I know religion can be a highly controversial topic but I challenge everyone who's had their own questions about God's love or power or how God's love can be amidst such tragedy in the world, to read this book. I found it so much more than helpful... it was eye opening. I no longer feel angry with God for taking my baby away from me; because I don't believe he made it happen, nor do I believe he LET it happen.
I've added a link at the top of the page under "resources" so you can view the book and it's reviews.
It is a relief to me to feel like maybe this isn't God's fault and that he is merely there to offer love and support as I go through this most difficult journey. Grieving the death of your child AND dealing with the guilt of being angry with God often go hand in hand but this book was able to take the element of guilt out of that equation, which allows me to focus solely on grieving and healing after my loss.
Five stars...
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Hi Charity,
ReplyDeleteThis book sounds like a wonderful read. I read your post the other day and I could totally relate. Although I have not suffered the loss of a baby, I have been trying to conceive for many years. I didn't understand why others were having babies and I wasn't. I felt like I was "doing everything right". This was a hard time for me and my faith. I found myself angry and disappointed. I mean drug addicts and teenage girls are able to get pregnant on a whim...why not me?
I found it difficult to be so "upset" with God and I felt guilty but I just couldn't shake the thought. I had a similiar experience when my grandmother passed away at Christmas a few years ago. As I continued on my TTC journey I started praying for patience and understanding...I wanted to know why this wasn't happening for me. I'm not sure that I ever got an "answer" but I found myself at peace--I still yearned for my own baby but I didn't break into hysterics each month when I got my period. I kept thinking of the "footsteps" poem when it says that there were only one set of footsteps during hard times and God says "that was when I carried you".
I continue to think about you each day and pray that God grants you peace in this journey. Thanks for taking the time to read my "blurb"....I didn't realize I had so much to say. Please take care of yourself.
Nicole
Nicole,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about the loss of your grandmother. :-(
I know the disappointment that comes with TTC and with each failed attempt. I'm so sorry your struggle has lasted so long... I can't imagine how painful that must be. I too felt (and still feel) that it is unfair to watch people around us become pregnant without trying and to have children they do not really want. It's a horrible injustice. I still have feelings of jealousy when I hear people complain about their children or about being pregnant when I'm forced to face the fact that my baby is gone. It's completely unfair.
I encourage you to read this book. I'm a huge cynic these days and it actually gave me some peace. It's not just for the bereaved.. it's for anyone who has suffered injustice in their life (which is everyone).
Sending comforting thoughts and tons of baby dust your way.
Much Love,
Charity