Decisions

Still waking up with overwhelming sadness. This morning I got up and moving right away which has helped some. The weather today is gorgeous and shouldn't be wasted. I keep thinking I should get outside today but then end up just sitting here looking out the window. I am still in disbelief at times. Seems like an awfully long time to feel this way.

I've tried to put some thought into whether or not I'll try to conceive again. It's difficult to think about because there can never be a replacement for PJ and the fear of going through this again is overwhelming... but then the thought of never having a living child to raise and love is too sad to imagine. So, with that being said, I'm sure eventually I'll gain the courage to try again... I just don't know when that will be.

I know that the likelihood of conceiving after the laparoscopy is higher so it would be wise for me to try again directly after that surgery but in all honesty I don't think I'm ready. I'm still grieving and trying to get my depression under control and I think the addition of hormones and fertility drugs could be a disaster. Not to mention if it doesn't work I think it would put me right over the edge. Then again... I'm not getting any younger and waiting may be something I come to regret as well. (sigh)

Decisions, decisions, decisions...