I'm still a Mom

Somehow I keep expecting to wake up one morning and feel better but so far I have felt no improvement. It's very discouraging and makes me sometimes feel like I'm crazy.

I'm still struggling with people in my life who have been less than understanding. It's difficult.
To say that losing a baby is painful doesn't really give an accurate description of what it feels like. It's beyond painful... and what happens is that as a mother (and we ARE still her mothers, even though we don't have our precious babies in our arms to prove it) your pain may be more intense and last longer than others, such as mine has. The difficult thing is that in the beginning I had all these people in my life who were so compassionate and understanding about my loss and grief but after a couple of weeks it seems that most people forget about it (and expect that I have done the same). Of course, life goes on somehow but in a completely different way than I pictured it, which causes new pain to surface every time I am faced with those "differences".
My support network is dwindling as time continues to pass. It almost seems to feel worse now than it did in the very beginning. I'm sure shock is partly to blame but also the changing dynamics of my support system and the passage of time that reminds me that life goes on whether I like it or not.

I'm still waiting patiently for the antidepressants to begin their important work... and I'm back to see the counselor tomorrow. I'm hoping for a productive session.

More tomorrow...

~ Charity