D & C

This post is to share with you information about my D & C. The experience and feelings associated with the procedure. After my doctor confirmed that the pregnancy was no longer viable he recommended a D & C because he said it could take weeks to miscarry and he didn't want to put me through that. I took his word for it; believing it would be too painful emotionally to deal with losing my baby at home. The surgery itself was not major and I went home the same day, 7 hours later. I had bleeding and cramping for nearly two weeks after. In all honesty I can say with deep regret and shame that the thought of seeing my lifeless baby frightened me. Given the opportunity to go back and do things over, I would have birthed my baby at home with dignity. I feel that I robbed my baby of the respect and reverence she so deserved. I will forever bear the burden of remorse. I gave up the opportunity to see and hold my baby, see her face, her small fragile body, her tiny fingers and toes. Instead I only have the memory of my last sonogram; a black and white fuzzy image of my would-be first born. I didn't get to bury my child. Instead she was regarded as "products of conception" or "tissue" and she was thrown away.

So, not only do I have to grieve the loss of my child but I have to try to forgive myself for choosing a D & C. Oh how I wish I could go back and change it. I'm so sorry.

I do want to say that the decision to naturally birth your baby at home or to have a D & C is a highly personal and private decision. There really isn't any right way to do it... only what feels right to you and of course what your doctor recommends because there are risks associated with either option. I simply urge you to follow your instincts and do what feels right for you.

If you have any questions about D & C or miscarriage, please feel free to comment or message me.
Until next time...

Charity