It still hurts

Today's appointment with my therapist went well. I also got to speak with someone in HR at my job. She reassured me that I didn't need to worry about my job; I simply need to focus on healing. That definitely helps.

I also found the most beautiful frame for my ultrasound picture. I'm still looking to find a pretty box in which to store all of my pictures and memories of my pregnancy.

It still hurts though...

Each day I look at my naked body in the mirror and wonder how things might be different if I hadn't lost PJ. I imagine my belly swollen with the truest of love, swollen with life and the growth of my beautiful child. How big would I be now, I wonder to myself? As I watch women in my neighborhood walking with their strollers I imagine again, as I’ve imagined hundreds of times, how I would have walked with MY stroller, with MY baby. I often think about her eyes and her hair. Would she have looked like me? Though I’ve never seen her smile I imagine how it would have brightened even my darkest day. What cute and funny things would she have said? What mark would she have left on this world? Would it have even come close to the mark she’s left on my heart?