Still feeling depressed. I know my readers must be tired of reading those words... I sure am tired of typing them! I'm trying to do things to improve my mood. I actually exercised today! It wasn't much but it was something. I went for a two mile bike ride on my mom's exercise bike.
I really want to make this work and giving up just can't be an option. So, with that I am announcing my plan to begin trying to conceive - again.
This won't be something I'll start over night because it can take a few months for my cycles to get back to normal. But... after having the laparoscopy and getting all the endometriosis cleaned out of my body I'm like new again (reproductively anyway). I now know I CAN get pregnant and at this moment I do not have endometriosis so it is a great time to begin thinking about trying again. Believe me when I say I'm still scared. I'm REALLY scared. But... more scary than this is the thought of never having a child to raise.
I think my main fear is that my depression doesn't seem to be subsiding and I don't have time for that! I need to get back to "normal", whatever that is, so I can be ready to begin TTC again. I don't want to begin again while I'm still depressed; especially since the fertility drugs/hormones make me crazy enough. ugh!
I want to feel better and I'm working hard to accomplish that. Something that I have to remind myself is that there are things I need to do whether I FEEL like it or not. I think my problem is that I keep waiting to feel MOTIVATED to do things and the reality is I need to "fake it till I make it".
AF is definitely on her way... I've been cramping quite a bit - which has been a disappointment since I've had my lap surgery and I was hoping it would ease the pain I normally have. (sigh)
I want to be a mother badly enough that I will force myself to do things that I don't FEEL like doing.... AND the purpose of this blog is to inspire people, not bring them down so I will work on the negativity I post here. I think it's what PJ would want me to do.
My hope is that I can get my depression under control by mid summer. I'd like to begin TTC again in July or perhaps August. I believe PJ is going to help to choose a brother or sister for herself and a precious bundle for mommy.
Thanks for reading and thanks for all the encouragement I receive from my readers!
Mommy loves you so much, PJ!!