It is always wonderful to see them but as I said about my last visit to Birmingham, it can also be quite painful. This trip was planned far in advance and I fully expected, and was excited about, going to visit with a nice baby bump to show off. While the visit with my boys was lovely in many ways, it was also a painful reminder of my empty womb. I made the most of the trip and tried my best not to think about my miscarriage too much. I was relieved that nobody asked me about it. I am still unprepared for the insensitive comments that well meaning people can often make.
Also, the whole time I was there I had horrible allergies. There is a nice thick layer of pollen on EVERYTHING so I was sneezing and sniffling most of the time. Then, this morning I woke up with a sore throat! I'm worried that perhaps it is a cold and not allergies. :( That would be bad since I have surgery scheduled for the day after tomorrow. I'm hoping I'll be feeling better by then so I won't have to reschedule. I am still on medical leave from work and really want to get this laparoscopy/hysteroscopy over and done with before I return.
I want to encourage my readers to click on the "FOLLOW" button on the left of your screen. I know I have quite a few readers and it would be wonderful to know how many I have. Please leave comments or email me if you would like to share your story or how my blog may have helped you. While writing my feelings has been extremely therapeutic for me, my greatest hope is to help others... so please, let me know who you are and publicly follow my blog. It would mean a lot to me to know that PJ touched the world in some important way. Her impact on my life is profound and to know that she has made even a small difference in someone else's life would make her short life even more meaningful. Feel free to share my blog with loved ones who are going through, or have been through miscarriage.
Thank you again for reading and please feel free to comment or email me your thoughts and feelings about miscarriage and how it has touched your life or the life of someone you care about.
Much love to all my readers!!
~ PJ's Mommy ~
XOXO
Charity,
ReplyDeleteYour nephews are adorable. I am sure they were so excited to see their Aunt Charity! My nephew is about 15 months old and when I get a chance to see him he is the bright spot in my day. My brother and sister-in-law live in Wisconsin so time together is not as often as I like.
My husband and I found out that my brother and his wife were expecting when we were just starting the journey of TTC. I cried the night I found out they were pregnant and then I felt awful that I cried. I knew that I should be happy but I was so sad for myself. I quickly got over myself and ended my pity party and embraced being "Tia Coco" (that is what my nephew calls me--I teach Spanish and "tia" means "aunt"--Coco because "Nicole" is hard to say at first so we went with coco).
I love my nephew so much and I love hearing all about him. I sent him a Valentine's day gift and my brother called my cell phone and had Brennan leave me a message of baby babbles...sweetest sounds ever!
As for allergies the pollen has been HORRIBLE in the Southeast--let's just hope that your sore throat is just a pollen thing and you aren't getting a cold. I wish you lots of luck on your surgery on Friday.
I was thinking about you today because I went and got a massage. I used to hate massages but had a couple last year and thought "this is nice but not really necessary". Then my depression and anxiety (anxiety is bigger for me but TTC made my depression worse) started acting up and I felt like my meds weren't working. I thought to myself, I need to do something special for me. I decided to start getting massages about once every 5 weeks and let me tell you, it has been a God send. If nothing else my mind is cleared for an hour and I am totally able to relax and let go of things weighing me down--even if it is just for an hour.
I hope that on your journey to peace you are continuing to take care of yourself and do nice things for yourself (a massage perhaps). It is just as important that you do nice things for you as it is for you to do nice things for PJ--she would want her Mommy to be happy.
I continue to read your blog...you are a true inspiration. I ask God to grant you peace in this challenging time. I am always thinking about you. Feel free to email me anytime nicolebialek@hotmail.com
Nicole
P.S. If you are ever in Atlanta let me know I would love to meet up! I apologize for my long-windedness.....
Nicole,
ReplyDeleteYour nephew sounds adorable! That is such a cute age too. My two older nephews used to call me Aunt Chee because Charity was too difficult to say. Kasen (the eldest) came up with that one and it stuck. haha!
Don't feel bad for crying when you hear about others who are pregnant. Ask any woman TTC and you'll find that it is very common and perfectly natural. When I first began TTC in June of last year my sister was pregnant with Tyler. I was at the end of the 2 week wait (2ww) and was expecting to find out whether or not I was pregnant right at the time she gave birth. I got a BFN and a new nephew. I cried for me and beamed for her. It's normal.. trust me.
The pollen here is so bad that when I went out to put something in the mailbox a gust of wind blew this huge cloud of pollen dust off my roof!!! It really is horrible. I'm more confident now that this really is an allergy thing.
As for the massage, I actually have a gift certificate for a massage that I got from my mom and step-dad for my birthday. I just haven't called to schedule it yet. I will as soon as I'm healed from my surgery.
Thanks so much for reading my blog and for all the lovely comments. Hopefully we will get the chance to meet face to face one day. It really doesn't seem too unrealistic since I drive through Atlanta a few times a year. :-)
Take care,
Charity
ps. I bet my long-windedness can out do your long-windedness... just ask my friends and family. lol