Change

Mother's Day was quite difficult for me. Knowing that I would have been over 20 weeks pregnant and would have had an u/s to determine the sex of the baby (though I do believe it was a girl)... it was difficult to realize that Mother's Day was supposed to be this beautiful day for the "mother-to-be" and now it's not. I'm empty.
My friends have been saying for years that I'm already a mother because of my nature and because of the way I've mothered my nephews so I usually get a "Happy Mother's Day" from them. I did get that from my mom and from one friend but it was difficult to NOT receive that from people who usually would recognize me on this day every year, especially since now I really AM a mother... bereaved, but a mother just the same. It hurt.
I have to remind myself that people don't know what to say or how to behave after a miscarriage. They just don't and neither did I before it happened to me so I must forgive the people I care about for being incapable of supporting me during this time. It is difficult though.
I will say that I believe my new medication is working. I'm beginning to feel more motivated and I feel like I actually have some hope! That's right... I said HOPE! It's refreshing because it wasn't long ago that I thought I'd never have hope again. I'm feeling more like myself each day and for that I am grateful.
I wish I didn't have this nagging feeling that friendships were slipping away. Not completely but maybe "changing" is a more appropriate word. It's not exactly the change I was going for and I don't much like it but I don't much have control over it either. So, here's to change and doing my best to see the good in it!